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What’s Your Story?

I learned a long time ago that your testimony is an ongoing story of how Christ is working in your life. I used to think it was about how and when you became a Christian and if that is all there was to it, mine was boring. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was very young. The End.

I would go to Women’s Retreats and hear people share their testimony about how they were a Christian, but then got off track and now they are back on track saved by grace and I would think, these people have NO idea. Sweet girl, bless her heart. She probably sipped a beer in college. If only they knew!

I did not just get “off track” I made a hard left and went to another country when I was a teenager. I became a horrible person. I told God what He wanted from me was too much, too hard and I didn’t want to try anymore.

I realize now that when people share the part of their testimony, where they “got off track” or how I usually say it, “walked away from their faith” it is a generalization because (this is my truth) it is just too dang ugly to go back there. In sharing our testimony we ought to share what God has done for us and how He has worked in our lives, we want to glorify Him, not all the bad things we have done.

I realize that when I share my story now, there may be someone listening or reading who thinks like I used to. I mean, on the surface I may seem to have it all together. I post a verse every day on my social media, I am at church every Sunday, I am usually involved in a Bible study, I listen to praise music. Check, check, check. Don’t be fooled though. Trust me when I say I went through some UGLY years. Doing things you probably never dreamed of. But God! Yes, His grace saved me, as it can save anyone no matter what you have done. There is no sin too big that He can’t forgive it.

Unfortunately, those years left a mark on me. God is working on me to make me more like Him, but I am serious when I say, He has a lot more work to do on me than most! I know I am a work in progress and that I am far from being complete, but I know He won’t stop until I am! Those years I “walked away from my faith” instilled some deep-rooted habits that I am still to this day trying to change.

Through my high school and into the college years, as I mentioned, I was living a very sinful life. It was a very dark time. Towards the end of college, the darkness began to press into me and it got worse and worse until I hit rock bottom. I knew I needed to make a change, but wasn’t sure how. One night, I finally broke. I saw my sin for what it was and the guilt and the shame almost crushed me. But God! I cried out in desperation, wondering if there was any way He could forgive all the horrible things I had done.

God heard my cries and He made His presence felt. A feeling of relief washed over me as I felt His answer, “Yes, my precious child, you are forgiven” I then felt wrapped in a comforting hug and it was as if someone was gently pressing their hand on my forehead and smoothing back my hair, just as my mom used to do when I was a little girl and she was comforting me. There is no doubt in my mind that He was there with me that night and that His angels were ministering to me. It was very real. I had been so lost, and that night was a sweet homecoming. I made drastic changes in my life and started to live a life in pursuit of Him. There is no doubt I was empowered by the Holy Spirit to be able to turn my life around, I could not have done that in my own strength.

It was still hard though. It took years for me to realize how complete His forgiveness was and is. At first, I carried all the shame of my past around with me. It wasn’t until I started going to a Bible study that I was able to finally break free of the chains of guilt and shame. It was through my study that I learned how great is His grace! It is infinite!!! I have stayed in a Bible study ever since. Not because I am now a “good Christian”, but because Bible studies are my tether to God’s Word. I desperately need the accountability. Even now, years later, left on my own I begin to wander.

It has been a hard and challenging road. I wish I could tell you that I instantly became a better person, but far from it! I still struggle with sin. I still do things I wish I didn’t do and fail to do things I know I ought. However, it is vastly different now than those dark days of my youth, because now I want to do things He asks of me. I know that they are for my good, even if they are hard. I know now that doing the hard things is part of the refining process. It is what shapes us.

This is just a part of my story, there are lots of twists and turns that are too long for this time here, but through the years I have seen God working in my life. I have felt His presence over and over again. I have no doubt that He is who He says He is and I hope and pray everyone could experience His infinite love, forgiveness, and grace like I have. My testimony is that God can forgive what you think is unforgivable. He can change the hardest of hearts. He can use any story to show His glory. He brings light to the darkest places. He will never, ever give up on you, even if you have given up on yourself. So, what’s your story? We all have one worth sharing!